Some Background

I realized early on that there are different schools of logic when it comes to fertility, and based on a lot of research and some really strong gut instincts I decided that an Eastern Medicine approach was the right one for me. Don't get me wrong - I am grateful for Western Medicine and it absolutely has it's time and place (I still employ it on a regular basis). But the thing is, the Western way of doing things has never really served me in terms of dealing with chronic problems. In my experience, most doctors treat the symptoms and the specific problem rather than getting to the root of what is causing the issue in the first place. Case in point - I have a rather severe case of asthma. For most of my college and immediate post-college years, I was stuck in a vicious cycle of getting sick, having an asthma attack, taking steroids to control the asthma that basically annihilated my immune system, which made it easy for me to get sick again, so I had another attack, so I had to take steroids...you get the point. No one ever thought to do anything different, even when I begged for relief.

About two years ago I sought out the help of an acupuncturist. Those needles were a hurdle for me, but I was desperate. When I sat in the office and listed my litany of medical issues, for the first time in my life someone looked at me and said, "that all makes sense." Eastern Medicine views the body as one large connected organism, and when something is off in one area that means the rest will suffer as well. The way Eastern philosophies were explained to me resonated so deeply that it gave me chills. It has been a long process and honestly, it took me a little while to trust in this new way of thinking. But I've been seeing the same acupuncturist for two years now and I am happy to say that in that time I've had one asthma attack (as opposed to 5-6 a year) which I overcame without the need for steroids. In my world, that is a big deal.

So last year around this time when we realized we were ready for some babies in our life, I of course told my acupuncturist. My husband and I started trying and as I've mentioned, got pregnant pretty much right away. But as I've also mentioned, that was apparently the end of that. In my quiet moments, I still know that this Eastern approach is the right one for me. I've seen too many results in my own body to question its success. And when I went to my OB/GYN in June to start a conversation about infertility, because we decided it was time for baseline hormone level testing and the like, it just didn't feel right. Granted, it could just be my doctor, but I don't feel like she really listened or was receptive to my concerns. It felt cold and sterile. And then when I found out that my seemingly amazing health insurance (which covers acupuncture) won't pay a dime for as much as a band-aid if the word "infertility" is mentioned, I took that as a sign to stay on my path. Use the doctors for all the testing and to find out what's wrong, but when it comes to solutions try it the natural way first. There is a time and a place for Western interventions, yes, but this isn't it.

I am writing this mostly as a reminder to myself, to take a deep breath and remember that I have choices. I decided on this path. There are options. 90% of the time I know this is the right choice for me. But those other 10%, when my ovaries have stopped working and entire reproductive system seems to be on strike, and my lizard brain (as Martha Beck describes it) is shouting, "OH MY GOD! SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG THIS TIME! GET YOURSELF TO AN ULTRASOUND MACHINE, STAT!" I have to actively remind myself to tune out the fear. Because...my God the fear. Sometimes I think it will swallow me whole.